Are you not able to control your emotion? Try emotional intelligence to control your emotion. You are one of those who get angry quickly with your staff, colleague, and family members. You get quickly excited about any work or any news.
It seems you have no full control over your emotions. When we are in difficulty. We think that if we have Aladdin Ka Chirag. We rub it and the Jini of Chirag ends all the difficulty in one nap. But it is not possible in real life.
But if I tell you that, we have something somehow like Aladdin Ka Chirag? Like one who has control over Chirag. The Jini of Chirag follows his order.
Same, that person who takes over mastery on emotional intelligence. Has been able to control his emotions.
Our brain works psychologically in two-part. One is the thinking brain another is the feeling brain. The thinking brain takes decisions according to logical reasoning ability. The feeling brain decides according to emotion.
For example, the thinking brain is like the driver of a car and the feeling brain is like the passenger of the car.
The driver has full control of the car. But the control of the driver is in the hand of the passenger. The car starts and runs according to passenger instructions.
That’s like our emotions control our reasoning ability. And we take most of our decision in emotion. Which increases more probability to be unsuccessful in your task.
Before I move forward, I want to caution you. That please do not waste your time eliminating your emotions because you aren’t able to do it.
For many years scholars, intellectuals, and rishi Mahatma. Researching to find the way to eliminate it. But they do not find success.
Because emotion is a natural phenomenon. Emotion differs us from animals.
So you do not stop the urge of emotion we only control it. Like we have not bound by the flow of rivers. We only control the flow of the river by making a dam. If we do not release water from the dam at regular intervals. The flow of the river destroys the dam.
So we are going to discuss what is Emotional intelligence. Dimension of Emotional intelligence? How do we master Emotional intelligence? What Emotional Intelligence impact our life?
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Before discussing emotional intelligence. we first know about emotion, emotion is an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, anger and hate are experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
Intelligence, intelligence is a set of cognitive abilities. Which allows us to acquire knowledge to learn and solve the problem.
Emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence is a cognitive ability. To perceive, assess, and generate emotion to assist thought to understand and regulate. Emotion promotes emotional and intellectual growth.
According to Goleman emotional intelligence refers to the capacity for recognising our feelings and those of others, motivating ourselves, and managing emotion, well in ourselves and in our relationships. In simple words emotion, emotional intelligence refers to attributes such as understanding one,s feelings. Empathy for others, and the regulation of emotion to enhance one life. Aristotle road about emotional intelligence in 350 BC centuries before the term became popular.
The four dimensions of emotional intelligence and how to learn it.
1. The first dimension of emotional intelligence is self-awareness-
When you are self-aware. You know what you have to do in every situation.
In other words, self-awareness means you know about your action and reaction in a particular situation. Like, when you anger, when you happy, and which things you have reacted to.
For example, in our house the fight between husband and wife or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Our anger comes out only on the children.
Have you ever wondered why this happens? Because we are emotionally weak. That,s why we search for resources on which we take out our anger or subside the anger.
We found children as our best option because they are helpless. If you are self-aware you will not take out your anger on your child. But you will search for an alternative solution to solve the dispute.
Self-awareness is the skill that teaches us how to control our emotions and found the best remedy.
If you do not control your emotion and fear. You will be lost many opportunities in life. Because you do not know in which situation how you react. Then how will you control it?
So, it is essential to learn self-awareness to make a successful person.
How to learn the strategy of self-awareness-
Many times your emotion surprise you from your unidentified reaction. This means you do not know a simple “no”. you will react violently.
It is very hard to know whether you are self-aware or not. There is a very fine line. Learning the self-awareness skill is not one day task. It will make life long journey.
For the self-awareness strategy, Bradbury &Jean Greaves give a strategy of “observe the ripple effect”
When a stone is thrown in the stable water. The ripple effect will be seen in the water. When your anger and sorrow bump with other emotions. The ripple effect will be shown in the surroundings.
For example, assume you are a boss when you louder or insult any one of your employees. A ripple effect is born. which affect the other employee also.
Which creates a misconception in the mind of every employee. That you are a moody and high-tempered guy.
So you will remember that. Your emotion not only affects you but also affects others. You also observe it by talking with another person. how does he feel about your reaction?
When you start observing the effect of your emotion on another person. Which you did not understand before. You are on right track, keep practising.
2. The second dimension of emotional intelligence is self-management-
Self-management depends on self-awareness. If you do not know about the effect of emotion how will you manage it?
In another word, self-management is how you manage the emotional reaction related to all things.
Emotion has the power to spoil your decision or even your life. Like a suicide attempt. Suicide is a sign of emotional weakness.
Self-management helps you in your momentary need also. Assume you are in the office and someone is doing wrong. Which you do not like. You feel the urge of abusing him.
If your self-management skill is Sharp. You delay your urge by distracting your mind with another work. Because for find success you will not waste your energy on the momentary problem.
Take the example of two managers A and B
A can handle the situation during the hot discussion in the conference room by keeping himself silent and calm. He Establishes understanding between employees and management.
But B burned his mind. When the hot discussion happens in the conference room and also participate in it. Because of his high temper mentality. Instead of stopping the confrontation between management and employees. He is also made part of the confrontation.
You see how managers A stop the confrontation by introducing self-awareness and self-management. From self-awareness, he understood the situation. How much hot?
By self-management, he manages his emotions as well as that of other members and stops the confrontation.
How to learn the strategy of self-management-
Emotion is like the lava of a volcano. Which creates a stir on the earth before evacuation. Emotion also creates a stir under the mind before coming out in form of sorrow and happiness.
By doing self-awareness we warn ourselves from mishappening due to our emotions. Through the use of self-management, we take precautions before miss happening.
From the use of Self-management, we brought flexibility in our emotions and will be ready to accept any changes and increase productivity
To learn self-management you make a list of emotions Vs reason
Take a notebook, on the right side you make a column of emotion and on the left side reason. In every particular situation, you note that. what your emotional mind says to you and what your reasoning mind says to you.
For example, you prepare a subject or topic. You stop on one question. After a lot of effort, you are not able to solve the problem.
Emotionally you think that whenever I do not solve the problem. I will not move forward to solve other problems. Because it is an issue of prestige and ego. Because I am not able to solve a problem
On another hand, your reasoning mind tells you that move forward and solve other problems. Because if you stop on one question you lost your energy and time.
So, if you will write down both. You can better evaluate your feelings of both minds and take the right decision. After doing a lot of practice you will get a master’s in it.
3. The third dimension of emotional intelligence is social awareness-
This is like self-awareness. The only difference between self-awareness and social awareness is. In social awareness, you observe the feeling of others.
Sometimes it is very hard to do it. Because every person has their own emotion. So, understanding differently all emotion is quite a difficult task.
But it is not too hard if you do not do it. You need hard practice. When you protect yourself from the argument and selfish thinking. Understood the need of others and listen to them attentively. You can gradually understand the feeling of others.
This is like a manager listening to his employee’s problems with empathy. This gives confidence to the employee that their manager not only sympathizes with their problem. But also want to take action to clear the problem.
Because of this, the employee is energetic and satisfied. Because they know that. If they are in problem their boss would solve it. It improves the informal communication and emotional understanding between employees and managers.
Take another example of a doctor.
When we visit a doctor’s clinic. If the doctor responds politely. Listen to all our problems attentively. We feel satisfied.
But if the doctor behaves rudely and does not listen to your problem. You feel unsatisfied. This effect your healing process
Because we lose confidence in the doctor and their medicine. The medicine does not affect us that much. Because our body does not respond
How to learn the strategy of social awareness-
Social awareness happens when you observe others feeling. Like, you do not take help from your friends because their mood is not ok.
It also happens, when you care and talk to your colleagues and subordinate. Because you know, he will be frustrated because he has not completed his target.
Social awareness helps you to understand the body language of the people. What does he want?
To learn Social awareness you have to follow three stages first observe the behaviour, second be a good listener, and Third learn body language.
To understood body language is not very hard. It needs hard practice. When you understand the body language. You better understand the emotion of others.
For example, if someone laughing and there were wrinkles under the eye his laugh is real.
If the wrinkle is not under the eye his laugh is pretended.
4. The fourth dimension of emotional intelligence is relationship management-
For relationship management, you need to learn the above skills must. It is like a ladder in your house. By putting your feet on every ladder you go to your house roof.
You observed that in the working place. The atmosphere has so tension full. That everybody has under stress, does not want to make relationships, and people are lost in themselves.
If you want to talk to them during the working hour. Usually, they reply with frustration and anger. Some people do not want to give any reaction. Because they fear their emotion.
By a study, it is proven that 70% of people have faced problems in handling stress at the worst time.
If you do not make a relationship. You will not able to put your feeling rightly. You will face always emotional fear.
So how do you react to others’ reactions? It depends on your relationship management. It helps you to put your word confidently in front of other people.
Create a friendly relationship in the office or in your surrounding. It helps you to better communicate for making better connections. It also helps you to understand others feeling and why people like you or dislike you.
How to learn the strategy of relationship management-
Relationship management is the last step in the journey of mastery of emotional intelligence.
When you find success in all three dimensions of emotional intelligence. In last you will integrate all the skills and learn relationship management.
The best strategy to master relationship management is to open your heart and mind to people’s feedback and increase your eagerness to learn or to know.
When you open your heart and mind. You will clearly understand the feelings of others without being partial.
Your eagerness to learn or to know. You will improve your listening capacity and will keep your attention on the people, and swords.
So, these two help you to be a better human and better manager.
How emotional intelligence impacts our life.
Emotional intelligence helps you in every part of your life. From womb to tomb. It,s makes you a perfect man. These are some impacts of emotional intelligence
1. Help you to be the best communicator.
2. help you in understanding the feeling of others with empathy.
3. Help you to manage the confrontation.
4. Help you to know about yourself.
5. Help you to know your limitation and capacity.
6. Sharpen your skill of manipulation.
7. Sharpen your skill of making relationships.
8. Help you in managing your anger, sorrow, joy, and fear.
9. Help you in making a great person, manager, salesman, and student.
10. Greater interpersonal skills.
11. Help in increasing the ability of persuasion and negotiation.
12. Help you with great focus and time management.
13. Being able to see things in a holistic manner
So, if you are not able to control your emotion? Try emotional intelligence,s four dimensions. This holistically helps you. Develop yourself internally and make yourself a great person.
It helps you to monitor your emotions cope with the pressures and demands and to control your thoughts and action.
Emotional intelligence helps you to accomplish the formation, maintenance, and enrichment of both personal and professional relationships.
Best of luck.