We apply two ways to tackle the blame. First, We do not care about it, we leave the blame there and move forward. Because we think it is a part of life.
Second, we take it positively and try to improve ourselves. As I mentioned above it helps to improve our behaviours, habits, and living of life.
Like, in professional life, you can positively take the allegations of your client, to rectify your work. Because the allegation helps you to improve your product. And second, it satisfies your client, that you listen to his word and do improvement in the product.
In professional life, First, you will rectify it. According to client demand. But the client is not satisfied with your rectification after doing a lot of rectification. You can leave that client. Or your client steps down. This is common in professional life. And you can move forward.
But personal life is too complicated and sometimes unfair. When people nearby, tell you “you are wrong”. You first try to improve it. Without questioning him. Because they are our well-wishers.
But when the frequency of blaming is increased. And he does not want to listen to your explanation or do not consider your explanation.
Why are your relatives or people nearby so rude to you and why do they frequently blame you that “you are wrong”?
The relative or nearby is sometimes rude because of you and sometimes because of his greed, revenge, fear, and jealousy.
1. Past trauma and incident-
There is no life without a story. Some stories give us courage and some stories give us sorrow.
There is a very high possibility that you hurt someone nearby in the past or there was some misunderstanding between you and your relatives.
That’s why your nearby now wanting to hurt you, he wants to take his revenge on you.
2. Greed, fear and jealousy-
Greed makes people blind and deaf, their main concern is their profit. Whatever he had to do for it. He does it, without hesitation and thinks about its consequences.
Generally, people feel jealousy and fear of the success of the people nearby them.
If they use you they only want to use you. Your success ends their chances to use you. So they fear your success.
They never want you to find success. If you find success then they are jealous of it.
When your relatives and people nearby know that you are depending on them, they never understand your feelings, your miseries, and your pain.
They always blame you and that all miseries are because of you. No doubt for some miseries you are responsible but for all. It is not acceptable.
4. Lost of self-esteem–
Self-esteem defines you. Mean your personality, attitude and behaviour. A man who has self-esteem saves himself from all the attacks, maybe moral or ethical.
Self-esteem is a positive and negative evaluation of oneself. If your self-esteem is high. You always think that I am worthy and, when it is low you feel shame about yourself.
So when you are weak others always take advantage of your weakness. Especially those people who understand you very well.
5. When we sit them above our head-
Sometimes those people whom we love very much, respect very much and care very much. When they ditch us, we feel cheated.
When they do not understand our feelings and explanations. We feel like orphans. Anything, may it love or hate is always lethal when it is unlimited. This is because of our blind and deaf love.
6. Rubbish thought-
Many people do not bother because they are in difficulty. But they are bothered because of their rubbish thoughts. Like why do they think about me like that? If I do that work, won’t they be angry with me?
This thought only spoils our life. Because most people do not blame us for being wrong, but because they want to harass us by blaming us. In this world, there is a very little amount of people who blame you when you are wrong. Because if you fix it. You can be successful.
7. Not say ” No”-
This is the most common reason. If you do not say “NO” to your relatives and people nearby. They think that your life, your time, and your money belongs to him.
He is the king of your kingdom and rules upon it. This demoralizes you so much that when you say no to them. They start blaming you frequently. And you crumble down to their feet. When you start to say “No”, do it frequently.
These are some reasons why your relatives or your nearby people always blame you and say “you are wrong”.
One thing you should always keep in the knot. That no one is always right in the world and no one is always wrong in the world. If anyone is always right he is the God and one who is always wrong is the devil.
So, if anyone says ” you are wrong” first evaluate its blame and then conclude whether you are wrong or not. What we do when our nearby people do not understand us and always say “you are wrong”. Mostly we apply two remedies for it.
First, leave those who do not understand you or demoralize you and should make a distance from that person.
Second, give them an answer louder than his question loud and revenge for what they do to you.
But, when I practically apply these two methods in my life. Both methods do not work. Because our life is like a mangrove jungle on a coastal area. This jungle is made of shrubs and so dense that sometimes we do not see across. If anyone wanders into the jungle it is very much difficult to find the shore.
So our relationship is like a mangrove jungle. As much as we want to get out of the relationship. That much we trap in the maze of relationships and find ourselves wandering. We know and our relatives know very well that we both dislike each other. But because of other life compulsions, we do not separate ourselves from each other.
The second method is to take revenge or answer loudly. But this is also not the right approach. Because this blind and deaf society only listens loudly. So when you answer angrily and violently people notice that you are wrong. As your nearby people or your relatives want. They want to earn sympathy from other relatives and society by showing their anger and violent behaviour. So this method is also not good.
My cocktail answer method.
So I applied a cocktail answer method. In this method, I use both methods in their effective quantity. These are the following.
1. Put all on the point of your shoes-
Give them respect who respects you, love whom who loves you, not those from whom you love. Inculcate self-esteem in your behaviour. It increases your worthiness in your eyes.
See yourself in your mirror, not in others. Your self-esteem protects you when anyone says “you are wrong”.
You know very well what I can do or what I do not. Because we know our weaknesses and strengths. So if anyone says you are wrong and you know you are not then kick them.
2. Accept your mistake, say sorry, but not twice-
When you do wrong, say sorry without any condition, convey to them to accept your apology and forgive you. But not all the time. It is ok when you accept your fault and say sorry one time but for one fault you daily say sorry is not right.
It is a wrong indication. Because they know that if they blame you. You will accept that you are wrong and feel guilty. And because of that, you will always be ready to accept their arbitrary conduct.
So, delete the word, twice from your life. One time is more than enough to convey to anyone. If anyone does not convey your excuse. They do not want to accept your apology. Maybe they want to put emotional pressure on you.
3. Silence and calm-
These are the two effective answers to your opponent and enemy. The revenge works on the sociology of reverse. When anyone attacks you they know that you will also attack them. But when you do not give them feedback. They burn themselves in the fire of his anger.
When your relatives or people nearby you attack they expect that you will answer loudly and violently. And by showing your attitude to other relatives and society they will collect sympathy for themselves. But when you deal with this situation calmly. Their full plan will be destroyed.
4. Be good for good, and bad for bad-
For the above topic, I will not suggest you take an unethical and unlawful way. I only want to tell you that. Give a message by your attitude and behaviour that I am ready to answer.
When anyone blames you. You may simply and calmly reply ” no, I am not, but I think that you lost your mind and always try to blame me. So according to me you are wrong”. You explain to them why they are wrong.
If you think that they will accept your words and rectify themselves. The possibility is very less. They will attack you frequently with more force. But now the whole scenario will be changed.
You will notice that his attack will be louder and more violent. The social illusion that they have spread throughout the entire surrounding too will begin to end.
Before using this trick I also believed in the old psychological trick, ” If I will not give them an answer, If I will accept what they say, if I will do what they want and in which they are happy, one day will come when they understand my love and affection and all will be right”
But these all were an illusion of mine. Because 20 years have passed, but nothing has changed.
But it adversely affects my personality. So, when I do not answer the others’ allegations, that keeps bugging me somewhere. Negativity surrounds me from all sides. It affects my whole personality and affects my other work also.
In the answer to the question what the blame “You are wrong” push you toward negativity? My answer is yes or no.
Because I always believe that “criticism makes you perfect” it gives you the chance of introspecting yourself. It helps you to improve your living of life.
But on another hand, an overdose of blame pushes you toward negativity. It feels you with stress and anxiety. You will accept the truth of people as your truth.
So, one day I decided, I would not let that happen. I will have to do something. So I go to my room and start repeating the following words loudly.
I will not give you an answer louder, I will not give you an answer violently. I have no desire to prove you wrong and proof ourselves right.
My only desire is to give your answer in your version. My only desire is to come out of bugging and live a free life, which is surrounded by the positivity and love of those who love me.
Now I put you on my shoe point. So, whenever I want, I will kick you. It is my life, my kingdom, I am the king of it. So nobody can enter my kingdom without my permission. If anyone tries to penetrate in my kingdom. He will be punished.
Best of luck.