We all need a true friend. How to find true friends? Today I was sitting in my friend’s shop, and randomly he said being a true friend in life is essential. I was surprised by what he was saying. Because, at that time, we discussed his family life.
He said, yes, we can’t share all the things with our wife.
I agreed with his words.
But I had a question, from whom we can
discuss all the secrets of our life?
He replied, from the true friend.
I say, how do we find a true friend?
He replied, by searching if we will find God, why not we will find a true friend.
His answer did not satisfy me.
I asked him, what you share with his wife and what you share with his real friends.
He replied, I only share my family stuff with my wife and all with my true friends.
I said, why do you not share your professional and other issues with your wife?
He replied that she is not capable of understanding the business details. And some other matters are so personal that I can not share them with her.
I said, what do you share with your true friends?”
He replied, “All matters which I can not discuss with my wife or family.
Finally, our discussion had no result. But the conversation with my friend made me think about what is the perception of people about a true friend.
According to me, the basic criteria of a close friend is that the person who firmly stands behind you in your difficult time is your true friend.
It may be you, your wife, your relatives, your friends, and anyone. Everyone knows about it.
But most of us have a wrong perception of true friends.
You are your true friends.
Yes, first make yourself your true friends. If you do not know yourself and go to search for a real friend. You never find it. A famous proverb is fit here,
The child is beside the drummer outside.
So first make yourself your real friend. When you know yourself, you easily know your weakness, your strength, your fear, your pain, and your happiness.
Your confidence, passion, patience, perseverance, and hope are your real friend which will never leave you.
Its existence and exit depend on your belief in yourself. All friends and relatives leave you but they did not.
They are your antibodies. Which protects you from all the miseries and makes you capable to fight with them. So it is best to do real friendships with yourself.
Be selective in sharing your secrets and problems.
I am not a big fan of sharing secrets with others. Because if you “show your tears to others, they only laugh at you”
I am witness to that type of condition when I shared my secret with others. They laughed at me.
But we are social animals and live in a society. We have friends, relatives, and professional colleagues. So, it is not possible that we can not share our problems and secrets with them.
And if you do not do it, this affects your professional goals. So it is a better option to be selective in sharing your secrets and problems.
This means, sharing your professional secrets and problems with your professional colleagues. From those whose secret is already you have? You can apply this method to your friends and relatives also
You have to pay attention in giving your secrets and tell your problem to whom? Those give you some benefit and who keep your secret as secret.
I am not telling you to be greedy, dishonest, and selfish. I only tell you to pay attention, while passing your secret and pass only that amount of secret which is necessary.
Which is essential and in your control.
Because you know you are ethical but others are ethical or not you do not know.
So try a psychological thick. Instead of emphasising emotion, emphasis on mutual understanding. Means in short give and take.
People change when their status and circumstances will change. In this world, nothing is always true and nothing is permanent.
How to find true friends?
Answer this question about how finding true friends is the easiest too and the most difficult task too. In theory, it is easy, but in practice, it is difficult.
In theoretical answer, there are a few criteria from which you know about true friendship.
1. The Person with you when your worst time Will be run is your real friend.
2. Who gives you the right advice, without thinking that you like or dislike it. Is the sign of a good friend.
3. Who shows you the right direction, when you are wondering.
4. Who is loyal to you. Loyalty is the wealth that you can not purchase.
5. Listen to your words and feelings. In life, we meet with few people who listen to our words with full attention. Because most people only want to tell their sorrow. It is the sign of a good friend.
6. Those who are happy in your win while in his sorrow. He is your real friend.
7. Accept you as you are, without wanting to mould you according to themselves.
8. who never demotivates you. Is your good friend.
9. Who never brought ego between the relationship of you and them.
10. Who always makes you comfortable. It is the sign of a good friend.
But practically when you go to find it in any person. You notice that some criteria are found in someone and some are not. Because no one is perfect in this world.
Like, in the above conversation with my friend. You notice that my friend shares some secrets with his wife. Generally family secrets and some secrets with his friend. Which is professional and personal.
Somehow I can agree with that. Why he does not share his professional problem with his wife.
But what type of personal problem he can’t share with his wife. I can not agree with it.
This means that his secret is unethical.
So he can’t tell his wife. But on the other hand when he shares this with his so-called true friends.
why they do not tell him that the work he does is wrong. If they do not object to his wrongdoing. How they are their real friends.
So, practically, we assume those as our close friends. Which do our sycophant. We do not want real friendship, we want followers, who say yes when we say yes, and say no when we say no.
So, for finding a true friend, you go through two steps.
First, it is essential to open our minds and hearts. And know ourselves. For search a true friendship.
For true friendships, We have to first accept our fault, our pain, our weakness and our fear. We make ourselves our true friends.
When we know about ourselves, we easily understand others.
For example, if anyone criticizes us. We easily understand that he says right or wrong. If anyone doing sycophants we understand that. What is the motive of that person behind that?
If anyone discusses his sorrow we understand his feeling because we understand our feeling.
Second, when you change your glass you see clearly and do not do mistakes in recognising people. Always away from sycophant people, away from negative attitudes people, and be selective.
One thing, which you should notice. Finding a good friend is not a day’s work, Years go by to trust someone.
In my condition, my mother and my wife are the two-person with which I share my problems and secrets. They are my close friend.
But some secrets of life that to be buried in your heart are right for you, your family, your relative, and sometimes your country.
That means everyone needs a close friend. Maybe he is strong or weak. Because it is human nature to be social. But it all depends on us.
What we need, is a follower or a friend. Because selecting a real friend is our call, not someone come and ask us to select me as your true friend.
So how finding true friends? You have to know yourself first. You have to love yourself. Then You have to be open. Open to others’ thoughts, beliefs and emotions. Understand them and try to solve them.
You have to be always in a conscious mode. This means you have to always keep close eyes on your surroundings. To know about your friends.
Precautions are better than cures. So be aware form your friends. Do not close your eyes. And think that all will be happen well. Because true friends are made after going through a lot of shade and stinker of life.
So be aware, be conscious, and be open.
Best of luck.