How do you overcome blame, resentment, and negative sentiment? Many times in our life we are blamed for things that we do not do. Due to that blame, we feel resentment and develop negative sentiments.
And assume ourselves as the culprit of that thing. Which we never do and burn ourselves in the fire of guilt.
This is a common problem and we all go through this event sometimes. But problems arise when we assume it right and spoil ourselves.
According to me, there are two reasons behind this: first, our diagnosis is wrong. And second, we take the wrong medicine for the wrong diseases.
Our wrong diagnosis.
when any person, our group of people, and society directly blame our personality, behaviour, and doings. We feel restless from this attack because the attack is directly on our existence. So our whole personality will be shaken. In that restlessness, our discretion power will be destroyed. We have no control over ourselves.
The blame fills us with resentment and due to resentment, negative sentiment will occur in us. It works like this. When any person blames us. We get nervous and without applying discretion, we fill with anger. We think that it is a direct attack on our personality or existence. If I don’t answer, then they think that I am the culprit.
Because of resentment and thought of self accused. Negative sentiment will occur in us. And it makes the matter more complex.
For example, you see that in today’s world it is very simple to disturb the harmony of society. Post a wrong message on the social media platform. The whole society started dogfighting. What is the reason behind this? You ever think.
The same principle applies here.
First, Blame a community, person, and society.
Second, when the message passes through a different channel, different people, and different groups. It created resentment in them.
Third, this resentment created a negative sentiment in the people. And the negative sentiment appears in the form of violence, haters, and targeted disgust messages.
We diagnose these three in separate forms means we think that these three problems are different. We think if anyone blames us, resentment does not occur because of blame.
If we notice that these two occur because of each other. But we never think that negative sentiment is part of it. Therefore our diagnosis is wrong.
Wrong medicine for the wrong diseases.
Then the limit is reached. When we take the wrong medicine for the wrong disease. The disease does not end but creates another major issue. First, segregating these three is our first mistake. Then we apply the segregated remedy is our second mistake.
When anyone blames us, we ignore it, our silent on it, and give a relevant answer. But the blame has not been stopped. And it continues, above all these remedies appear useless.
The resentment will increase according to blame. We try meditation, and mindfulness practice, and distract our minds. By applying these remedies we can control it to an extent. Because we do not do any remedy to end the negative sentiment that grows in our hearts and minds.
So the best approach is the integrated approach. Diagnose it integrally, and give medicine in this manner. For this, we have to change our mindset and attitude.
How do you overcome blame, resentment, and negative sentiment?
Now the real matter comes how we overcome this problem. For this, we have to change our personality, mindset, and attitude. These are some changes.
1. Always be positive-
Always being positive is a very difficult task. It is easy to say but difficult to do. I know life is sometimes so narrow that we have no space to stand there. But we can’t let it go.
We have to fight for it till the last breath. I am an example of this. No such day passes when I am not blamed. By my brothers and sisters and relatives. Many times I tried to clear their misconception but they did not listen to it or agreed with my explanation.
In the early days, I had felt resentment because of blame. Negativity made the house in my mind and heart. Because of that, I got irritated and violent. My personal life was affected, my wife and children hesitated to talk with me. It affected me professionally also.
But my real concern was my family. What is the meaning of life if your wife and child Don’t come near you because they are afraid of you? They do not talk to you. They do not share their problems and happiness with you. In that hour, you feel lonely even while living with everyone.
So I started to research my condition, and I found that the real cause of my problem was my negative sentiment. Because my wife and children did not blame me. They were with me, but my behaviour was the same with them as with my brother and sister or relatives.
So I first tried to change my negative sentiment into positive sentiment. When anyone blames me. I explain to him that it was not my fault. Or if I make a mistake, I accept it and say sorry.
My work ends when I say sorry to them and give them an explanation. I never think about whether he accepts my explanation or not? How does he blame me? What will he do, if he does not accept my explanation or sorry? and what does he think about me?
Because you are the owner of your thoughts, not others. That’s why it’s better to look at yourself in your mirror than look at yourself in someone else’s mirror. So always be positive
2. Know your weakness and strength-
In the above point, I said that see yourself in the mirror of self. This means we have to know what our weaknesses and strengths are. Everyone knows it.
If anyone says that he does not know that. Then he is lying or is there a slight blindfold over his eyes?
So, it is a big mistake to be unaware. And that’s why we go through resentment and negative sentiment.
So when we know about our weaknesses, we better evaluate whether the blame is right or wrong. And we do not create negative sentiments in our minds. We better prepare ourselves to answer the blame.
3. Accept your mistake-
I accept my mistake because I know my weakness. There are some mistakes, even unintentionally.
But the mistake is a mistake. If you accept it, the matter ends there. If you do not accept that it will be dragged like rubber. And turn into resentment and negative sentiment.
4. Love yourself-
Love yourself, others will love you. This is the basic formula. When you do not care about yourself when you do not respect yourself when you do not know yourself.
How do you think people will love, care, and respect you? So first loving yourself is the first criterion to being an owner of a positive attitude.
5. Belief in yourself and your God-
When you start to love yourself then your belief in yourself would be stronger. The belief protects you from nervousness when anyone blames you.
There is a direct link between your belief in yourself and your belief in god. There are two forts in everybody. One fort is of god and the other fort is of the devil.
When we have bound ourselves in a knot of greed, egoism, and negativity. Our devil fort will be stronger. It reduces the belief in yourself too, makes you a victim, You are always in the lurch of getting your work done by others.
But when we start to believe in ourselves. Positivity takes the place of negativity, greed changes into generous, egoistic changes into modest. It means your god fort become stronger. And your faith in God would have thickened.
6. Forgive others-
The best way to end the guilt is to forgive others. Forgiveness not only gives you the feeling of fulfilment. But it also raises your zenith in your eyes as well as in the eyes of others.
Forgiveness will protect you from your guilt. For example, I found that when there is a breakup in the relationship, we burn ourselves in the fire of guilt.
We think that ‘I am responsible for that. Or in revenge for how he/she cheated me. But if we forgive our partner and move on in our life. You protect yourself from resentment and negative sentiment.
7. Let it go and move forward-
This is the best and most important aspect of positive thinking. This is the next part of forgiveness.
Previously, When I went through various blames. I gave more time to think about that blame. Like, what I can do, they do not blame me? What should be my answer? What do they think about me? Why do they do that?
But unfortunately, I never get any answer to these questions? I thought about why I was investing time and energy in that work. From which I will get nothing.
So I decided not to think about it and Let it go and move forward. Why do I stop myself from others’ stupid and hater thoughts? I have to keep going.
It makes my life relaxed and easy. It lifts the burden of thoughts from my mind and heart.
So my method of dealing with it is just the opposite and integrated. First I live my life with a positive attitude. I don’t let negative sentiment overwhelm me.
It also helps me to calm down when I feel resentment. Because restlessness and nervousness are caused when anyone blames us.
It fills us with anger, and forgiveness and letting it go and moving forward helps us to calm down.
What shall I say about blame? As long as there is life, there will always be blame. So, blaming someone will not make you guilty until your heart testifies that you are guilty
Live your life, not pass it.
Best of luck.