How to forgive and move on in your life?
Whether to apologize or forgive, it is easy as well as difficult. Admitting one’s fault and forgiving the fault of others is what makes us human.
Forgiveness is neither a bargain nor a trick. Forgiveness is that surface of the mind, where both the one who accepts his mistake and the one who forgives wins. Forgiveness makes us better.
Allah says “I am happy to see those people who forgive, that much a traveller happy to see his lost camel in the desert. When his camel is loaded with all survival things is lost, and after a lot of searching, he is not able to find the camel. He expects that his death is near. and suddenly his camel appeared. How happy he will be at that time when he sees the camel. That much I (Allah ) happy with the people who forgive”
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” luke 6:37
Is it so easy to forgive?
To complete a task you have to do hard work, for making a relationship, you have to sweet talk, for making an enemy, you have to slap someone, that guy makes your born rival.
But to forgive someone is the most difficult task for anyone. Because forgive someone, who hurt you, who gives you non-healing wounds.
When you forgive those people, your past thoughts are resonant in your mind. And it turns your mind into a bomb.
For forgiveness, you have to first win your inner battle. Which is between, the evil mind and the spiritual mind.
Romans 8:6 It is said that the mind of the flesh leads you to a bad end and the mind of the spirit leads to life.
In your hearts, there are two forts, one of the devils and another of the god. The devil is so clever and full of patience. That he waited for the right time. When you get weak, the devil attacks your mind.
If feelings of anger, anxiety, pride, and fire of revenge increase in your mind. This is the sign that the devil’s fort will be strengthened.
The devil fills your mind with fear, anger, and sows the seeds of revenge deeply in your heart.
That your mind got tired due to stress. You never hear the whisper of your supreme soul, the voice of God. Because your soul is soft, his voice is not louder.
To hear the soul’s voice, you have to calm your mind. Strengthen your soul’s and mind with God’s words, praise, and prayers. This is not a one day or two days task. But it takes time and patience.
When your beliefs in God will strengthen. Then the levels of anxiety, anger, and vengeance will decrease.
Anger turns into joy, vengeance turns into forgiveness, and pride turns into modesty.
Does apologizing or forgiving a mistake change anything?
Forgiveness brings change if the intention is right. Forgiveness is related to the mind. And the mind is not simple, so even when we apologize, we start doing tricks.
We do many tricks. One, we see our big mistake as a small one. Even if we understand the mistake, then we do not say in plain words that we did it wrong.
Second, we want the person in front to forgive our big mistake. Sometimes the guess is something like this – ‘I have accepted the mistake.
As if he who is not forgiving, he is wrong. Many times we are asking for forgiveness, not for the mistake, but to avoid the damage done by mistake.
As a result, the person in front may give an apology to the nobility, but we do not stop repeating that mistake.
And third, we expect forgiveness for ourselves, but we are not able to forgive others easily.
Due to pride and arrogance, the inner forgiving spirit weakened, but the importance of forgiveness did not diminish in the midst of all this.
Mahavir Swami even said that be it a sadhu or a householder, if you have realized your mistake, then first of all apologize.
Only after that self-study or diet should be done. language and the purpose may be different, but both religion and science consider forgiveness necessary in life.
Religion talks about lightening the burden of karma. Not apologizing, not forgiving, keeps us bound in the cycle of sins.
At the same time, science considers forgiveness as necessary for the health of the body and mind.
The long-term feeling of guilt or violent thoughts about the one who hurt us makes us sick.
Relationship counsellors say, ‘Apologizing doesn’t make us small. Delaying in apologizing or forgiving keeps us stuck. We cannot move forward in life.
How can we forgive the person who hurt us?
This question is one of the difficult questions for me. Which I am going to write. Because in every one’s life there was some moment in which he got cheated by his loved one’s. It may be a big or small trauma.
But that moment pain was the same in every heart who got cheated. When we ruminant that thought the pain once again teases our heart and continues, till we are on earth.
Here one question that comes to my mind is whether after taking revenge our pain will decrease or not. At least my answer according to my experience will be no.
Because we have no power to change the bad or good chapter of life and delete it from our thoughts. So after taking vengeance, what guarantees that the thought will not come and afflict us.
There is no guarantee. Because the thought is present in our mind. But after taking the vengeance. We added a new chapter to it.
Because in taking vengeance new guilt comes numb, our conscience to think and understand dies.
We only see our revenge and in that impulse, we go through right and wrong ways. Forget what is ethical and unethical. That’s why new guilt is attached to the old one.
We think, I am right to punish him or not, what I will do, I will also become like him. The guilt disturbs us from inside. A fight between the devil and God starts inside our souls.
The fight makes us tired, full of stress, and anxiety. It affects our present, it affects our personal and professional life. It halts our growth, increases the baggage of our guilt and exhausted us.
So, move forward, to free ourselves from the baggage of past painful thoughts. Because it is never winning and losing game.
Think calmly, about what you find from winning and losing. You find that you are on the same spot. From where you start your journey.
Why do you forgive the person who hurt you?
You agree on one thing. Whenever you hear his name or see his face, who cheated you. You fill with anger, sorrow, pain and fear.
Because your past thoughts come forward. You think how I take Vengeance from that person. Now you engulf yourself in making plans to take revenge.
Your anger burns some others who are near to you like family, colleagues, and staff. Your pain and fear fill you with stress and anxiety.
You ever, think about what you earn from this.
Nothing my friends. So, why do you engulf yourself with those thoughts that do not give you anything, rather take your pleasure and peace?
So, move forward, leave the vengeance and enjoy your life. Strengthen the fort of God and view the charisma of god. Your pain will disappear.
Does reconciliation guarantee forgiveness?
If the traumatic event involved someone whose relationship you would otherwise value, forgiving can lead to reconciliation.
Reconciliation may be impossible if the perpetrator is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation may not be justified.
There is a slight difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. In reconciliation, forgiveness is included; it is not essential. But in forgiveness reconciliation is surely present.
It is important to have an open heart in giving forgiveness. But in reconciliation, it is not essential.
Forgiveness is given by heart. Reconciliation is done by the brain. So in most cases, reconciliation does not mean forgiveness.
What is the best way to forgive?
The only best way to forgive is to forgive from the heart. These are some best ways to prepare yourself to forgive.
1. Forgive him for yourself. The pain of cheat hurt you not him. The fire of revenge burns you not him. So forgive him for your peace.
2. When your belief in harmony and brotherhood increases. You easily forgive others
3. Strong the fort of God. By God’s words, praise, prayer. God’s show you the path of forgiveness.
4. When you go to forgive someone. First, clear your heart from anger, greed, and envy. Then forgive him.
5. Inculcating Empathy. Forgiveness is not only to sympathise with his situation but also to understand his situation and help him. This gives you a winning feeling.
6. Make forgiveness a healing antidote for your pain. Give time, and take patience.
7. Remember that a life well-lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thus giving power over you to the person who caused you pain, learn to look for love, beauty, and kindness around you. Put more energy into appreciating what you have rather than appreciating what you don’t have.
How can I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the decision to let go of thoughts of resentment and revenge. To move from revenge to forgiveness, you can:
Understand the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life.
Share your feeling with near one’s maybe it your family members, friends and relatives.
Acknowledge your emotions about the loss you suffered and how they affect your behaviour, and do an effort to eliminate or control them
Step away from your role as the victim and release the control and power of the offending person and situation in your life
As you let go of the malice, you will no longer be able to define your life by how you have been hurt. You may also find compassion and understanding.
Forgiveness is God’s favourite thing. Forgiveness is the jewel of the brave. Forgiveness turns pain into joy.
Forgiveness makes people strong.
Forgiveness turns an enemy into a friend.
Forgiveness turns animals into humans. Forgiveness mends the broken.
Forgiveness is a powerful thing.
Forgiveness grows flowers even on a stone.
So of course forgive and move on in your life.
Best of luck.