What is meant by “self-control”?
Controlling yourself is very easy to do. Truth be told, it is so easy and practical that even a child will understand.
By defeating your selfish part, you get rid of the negative side of the evil that is inside you. The things that give you sorrow, pain and trouble.
Sometimes trouble comes into our lives in the form that shakes us from the inside. As the life of Sora, she is a 21-year-old independent girl who takes the responsibility of her family on her shoulders and happily manages it.
But her life was not always so easy. When she was in his second year of graduation his father expired. She was the eldest among all his brothers and sisters. So the responsibility came on her shoulder.
She tried to do a part-time job but she could not find it. Many times she thought that she quit after graduation. But his mother advised her not to. So he continued it.
Somehow, one year passed. Now she had completed her graduation and hoped for a better job. But unfortunately, she did not get it.
After two or three months with the help of a relative, she got a job. But the salary was so low. She can not manage the responsibility of her family with that salary. But she continued.
After struggling for one year she found a good job with a handsome salary. And now she is capable of giving a good life to her family.
My objective behind telling this story is that when our time is against our expectations. We select many unethical ways to manage our responsibility. Generally, we are out of control. When our life is slipping from our hands.
But Sora does not select unethical means to fulfil her obligation. Like many people do. She also feels uncontrolled in many situations. Like, when she thought about quitting her graduation.
When she did not find a job after completing her degree. She did work on less salary. Because of the low salary, she did not fulfil her responsibility.
But she keeps these circumstances aside and doesn’t lose her good qualities. Here a question will arise in your mind. How she does self-control.
The answer is, that her honesty, self-reliance, fearlessness, self-esteem, self-sacrifice, love, compassion, and belief in self help her to do self-control.
How can you know that you have been successfully winning or self-control yourself?
Let’s say you are of the Impatient type. If you are a human, that means you lack patience. If you get angry over small things, then this habit or quality of yours makes you sometimes feel embraced.
You feel that your friends and colleagues all avoid you. They run away from you. They feel that they should not speak directly to you in anger because you are an impatient person and they know this very well.
Suppose you vent anger on your employee, you count his shortcomings. His work was not that bad but you unnecessarily took out your frustration on him.
Taking out all your anger on someone else can make us feel good for a few moments, but this feeling of goodness is not permanent and because your employee cannot tell you anything, it would be wrong that you vent unnecessarily anger on him. Stalk him in front of everyone.
Getting angry quickly is not a problem, but there will be many other shortcomings in us that we have to overcome such as selfishness, hatred and greed.
Along with this, many times we also face the problem of luxury and arrogance. Your ego and doubts are also your shortcomings.
All these factors together create different types of desires in us and when those desires are not fulfilled then we get upset. Like hate can make you feel good for a while.
So you decide that you will change yourself. You try to improve yourself. You do anger management exercises.
When you get angry, you practice focusing on your breathing and your efforts pay off. By practising Gentleness and Kindness, you try to make yourself better.
When your selfishness changes into sacrifice, your anger into politeness, your haters into love and your ego into humbleness. You will know, you will find success in winning and self-control yourself.
Eleven qualities to develop self-control.
Patience plays a key element in self-control yourself. This is the quality that protects you from high temperament. When things are not going according to your expectation you get frustrated and feel fatigued.
At that time you feel you have no control over yourself. You want to use every type of means which help you to complete your obligation.
Like, Sora felt when her father died and they had no source of earning. Only they had some savings. She had the option to select various types of unethical means, but she did not do that. Because she had a lot of patience.
Humility is the opposite of anger. Anger is the devil which can destroy your life as well as your family life. Anger makes you blind and deaf. You can not hear anyone’s advice and can not see what they want to see you.
You appear like mad elephants. Who ruin all the things that come in your path. On the other hand, the quality of humility opens your mind. When your mind is calm you first think then act.
People generally avoid going near high-tempered people. On the other hand, they like those people who are humble and polite to them. Humility always helps you in self-control by the use of calmness. It protects you from anger.
Like in the condition of Sora. The quality of humility kept her calm when she had no resources to carry on with her graduation. When she completed her graduation, she expected that she would find a job. But unfortunately, she did not find it. How frustrating a moment that was for her. But her humility helped her to keep her calm.
3. Purity means honesty-
Honestly, it is that quality that makes you strong from the inside. In the present days, you have to give a daily exam of your honesty. If you are honest you are 100% pure as 24-carat gold.
If you throw the gold in the sludge and leave it. After a few days, you put out the gold from the sludge. The purity of gold is the same as the previous. Honestly, it is the quality that makes you gold.
Those people who have honesty are pure from the inside. It makes them pure even after passing through a bad or good phase of life. It gives them power from the inside to fight the evil condition.
Like, Sora did in her life. She fought with every situation because of her honesty and never used any unethical means to complete his compliance. They honestly helped her to self-control herself.
Self-reliance is not only essential to survival but it decides your height in society or the eyes of people. If you are not self-reliant, you have no goodwill in people’s eyes. People do not recognise you, not give any value to your word.
Have you ever seen any plant grow under a big tree? Because the shadow of a big tree protects the sunlight which is essential for the plant to make its food. So they halt the growth of small plants. That’s why farmers seeded the seed after a fixed interval for proper growth of each plant.
We are also like a plant whenever we are under our patent’s shadow or our boss’s shadow. Nobody sees our potential and quality.
So self-reliance is the quality that helps to give us our rightful place in society.
Like in Sora’s life, what do you think, why did she accept the offer of her relative to do a job with a low salary? How did she overcome herself?
Because she knew the meaning of self-reliance, she thought, if I waited for a big offer. The time and due both were increasing. So she thought, ” why not do a job, I know I can not fulfil full responsibility, but I can do less, which is better than nothing”. So self-reliance helps her in self-control.
Fearlessness is the quality that gives you exposure. To stand firmly in any situation. Whatever the wind blows with you or against you. Fearlessness gives you determination. It gives you the power to achieve anything you want.
Like in Sora’s life, she never fears the weird situation, she faces them one after one. At that time anyone will be uncontrolled. But her fearless quality helps her to self-control herself.
She firmly stood with her family in the worst situation. When more people left their families.
Fearless is good but in some amount, fear is also necessary. Because it protects us from doing wrong. It protects us from using unethical means. Fear allows you to be a gentleman.
Self-sacrifice means having the ability to make sacrifices. Do you think that sacrifice helps in self-control? But there is a direct connection between these two. Sacrifice allows you to be a human not become an animal.
Let’s assume you trust your brother, But one day the water crosses over your head when your brother cheats on you. On the matter which is important to your child.
If you have no quality of sacrifice. The condition makes you violent and you lose your self-control. But if you are a self-sacrificing man, you overcome the situation calmly. Every time violence is not necessary.
You can make the next person realize his mistake in some other way too. Like, face as face talk or make them realize that you are unsatisfied with his actions.
Knowledge is the treasure, which nobody stole from you. It is that treasure that increases as much as you share it. It is the source of all qualities needed for self-control.
This is a belief in public, that the person who has less knowledge, crumbles down quickly in the worst situation. Because they are not self-reliant, they are fully dependent on the knowledge of others. They want someone’s advice to take action.
If Sora was less knowledgeable, she never came out from the worst phase of her life. Her knowledge gave her support when she was confused about whether she completed her graduation or not, whether she accepted the offer of a job given by the relative or not. This means knowledge is the antidote to confusion.
Compassion is a quality which not only uses for self-control but it has a multi-tasking quality. In every task, you have to be compassionate. If you may be a leader, manager, and common man.
Compassionate means not only do you feel sympathy for anyone, but you also have the quality to understand his problem and try to solve it. What you can do for him?
Compassion has a binding quality, it binds leaders with their followers, it binds managers with their subordinates, and it binds you with your family, relatives, and other people. It bonded Sora with her family and gave her a chance to understand the feelings of her family.
Love is the feeling which is carried by a person from his birth. It is a feeling that will give by God to make the world a bouquet of various types of flowers. This is the word behind harmony, peace, and compassion. It is the most lovely thing in this world.
There is so much power in love that it has kept us human. Otherwise, have we ever become animals? It is that powerful feeling which keeps us good in the worst phase. As it helps Sora to self-control herself.
Self-belief means how much you believe in yourself. In other words, how much you love yourself. Before you love others you have to love yourself.
Lord budda says ” if you want to understand the pain of others you have to first know about your pain. If you want to solve others’ problems, first solve your problem. And if you want to know the solution to others’ questions, first solve your question”
So everything would come and stop at us. Means how strong our belief is as much as we will be strong. And we will easily self-control ourselves.
Like, Sora’s self-belief was so strong that she thought that “today I will defeat, tomorrow I will also defeat, but the next day after tomorrow will be mine. On that day nobody will defeat me.”
Like, in the same condition as Sora’s. Most people lose their self-esteem. They depend on others. They spend their life according to others. What they want to do. They only follow the orders. These are like puppets that sting in the hand of others.
This type of condition was also faced by Sora when her father died. Her relatives pressured her to do what they wanted. Some advised her mother to marry Sora. Some made unethical demands. But the Sora’s family’s self-esteem protects them from all these evil demands and advice. And helped Sora to self-control herself.
How do develop self-control?
All these qualities make you a good and genuine person. And help you to develop self-control. After having this quality, whatever action you take will be perfect. And sorrow will be far away from you.
Patience keeps you calm on your hard days. Humility keeps you soft. When you reach the top. Your ego gets dancing in your head. Because you continually win. Your ego is also increased, with your every victory.
So very few people keep them humble. When they go to the top. But for holding your position. Softness is essential. It increases your self-control and protects you from being violent to your employees and other people.
Your purity gives you the courage to stand in front of wrong. It protects you from guilty that, I am wrong. And protect you from being out of control.
Self-reliance makes you independent. And independence help to increase your self-control.
Because a dependent person depends on others. And when they do not do their work according to their will. Slowly they get frustrated and lose control.
Fearlessness makes your confidence high and helps you fight life’s battles easily. We are social animals and full of emotion.
So when we sacrifice our wants and desire for someone. Who we love and care about. This gives us a high level of confidence and satisfaction. And increases our self-control.
Love makes us calm and soft. So I recommend that if anyone is short tempers and easily loses their self-control. They must love once. It fills you with compassion and positivity. It increases your self-control.
Ignorance leads to violence, stupidity, and losing self-control. Knowledge leads to calmness, understanding, and self-control.
So to develop self-control. You have to inculcate all the above 11 qualities into your attitude. If you want to develop self-control. By rectifying one or two behaviour. It is not possible.
For developing self-control you have to work integrally on all your behaviour. And keep your brain and heart calm.
# Quick summary of 11 qualities for self-control.
# Patience- It keeps you calm.
# Humility- It keeps you soft.
# Purity- This means it gives you courage.
# Self-reliance- It raises your goodwill in society.
# Fearlessness- Help you to stand firmly in any situation.
# self-sacrifice- Allow you to be a human not become an animal.
# Knowledge- Antidote of confusion.
# Compassion- Understand others’ Happy and Sorrow.
# Love others and Love yourself.
Best of luck.