How to build self-esteem?

How to build self-esteem? Use 5-minutes triple column technique. When you’re depressed, you always believe you’re worthless. The worse the depression is, the more you feel that way. 

How to build self-esteem? Use 5-minutes triple column technique.


You’re not alone. A survey by Dr Aaron Beck revealed that more than 80 per cent of depressed patients suffer from the thought of self-dislike. So they lost their self-esteem.

The reason behind that is. Dr Beck found that depressed patients see themselves as deficient in these qualities. They value most: intelligence, achievement, popularity, attractiveness, health, and strength. They do not know how to build self-esteem.

He said a depressed self-image can be characterized by the FOUR D’s: They feel defeated, defective, deserted and deprived.

Almost all negative emotional reactions result from low self-esteem or self-dislike. That harms them. A bad self-image is a magnifying glass.

That can turn a small mistake or imperfection into an enormous symbol of personal defeat. Slowly-slowly they lose their self-confidence.

Which leads to a loss of self-esteem. Generally, they are confused about that. How do they build self-esteem?

For example, Shyam, a first-year law student, experiences panic in the classroom. “When the professor calls him, he ‘ll probably goof up.” 

Although the fear of “misunderstanding” was first on Shyam’s mind, during the communication with Dr Mohan. He disclosed that a sense of personal deficiency was the actual cause of the problem:

Mohan: Suppose you did goof up in class. Why would that be especially disturbing to you? Why is that so tragic? 

Shyam: Then I would make a fool of myself.

Mohan: Suppose you did make a fool of yourself. Why would that be upsetting? 

Shyam: Because then everyone would look down on me.

Mohan: Suppose people did look down on you? What then?

Shyam: Then I would feel miserable. 

Mohan: Why is it that you would have to feel miserable if people were looking down on you?  

Shyam: Well, that would mean I wouldn’t be a worthwhile person. Furthermore, it might destroy my career. I’d get bad grades, and maybe I could never be a good advocate. 

Mohan: Suppose you didn’t become an attorney. Let’s assume for discussion that you did flunk out. Why would that be especially disturbing to you?


Shyam: That would mean that I had failed at something I’ve wanted all my life. 

Mohan: And what would that mean to you?

Shyam: Life would be empty. It would mean I was a failure. It would mean I was worthless. 

In this brief dialogue, Shyam showed that. He believed it would be terrible to be disapproved of or to make a mistake or fail.

He looked sure that if one person looked down on him then everyone would. It seemed like the word REJECT would unexpectedly be stamped on his forehead for everyone to see.  

He seemed to have no sense of self-esteem. That’s why he depends on the approval of others.

He measured himself. How do others see him and what he has achieved? If his craving for approval and achievement was not satisfied.


Shyam realized that he would be nothing. Because there would be no true support from within himself.

If you are depressed now or have been depressed in the past. It may be very difficult for you to recognize. The illogical thinking patterns cause you to let yourself down.  

You’re probably convinced that you’re inferior or worthless. And any suggestion to the contrary is likely to sound silly and dishonest. These circumstances make you hopeless. That is how to build self-esteem.

Unfortunately, you may not be alone in your beliefs about your inadequacies. When you are depressed. In many cases, you will be so persuasive and loyal in your maladaptive belief.

If you are bad and not good enough, you can inspire your friends, family, and even your therapist to accept your view. 

So to think about yourself as worthless is the problem faced by a depressed person. They not only believe that. He is worthless but also forces others to think that. He is a nerd, useless, defective, deserted, and defeated.

So self-esteem is working as an antidote for depression. Now the question arises here how to build self-esteem.


How to build self-esteem.


These are some techniques from which we can build self-esteem.


1. Overcome the inner self-critic-


Your inner self-critic dialogue creates a sense of worthlessness.  It’s self-deprecating statements, such as “I’m not good enough,” “I’m a nerd,” “I’m inferior to other people,” and so on, that create and feed your feelings of hopelessness and poor self-respect. It destruct your self-esteem

 Three steps are required to overcome this bad mental habit and build your self-esteem:

1. Train yourself to recognize yourself. Write down self-critical thoughts. As they pass through your mind. Which you think in various circumstances, which are especially related to your attitude or behaviour.


2. Evaluate your notes of thought, and why they were falsified. 


3. Practice discussing to develop a more logical self-evaluation system. 

The other effective way how to build self-esteem is the “triple-column technique”.  Given by Dr David Bern.

How to Use the 5-Minute Triple Column Technique as an antidote for depression.

You can understand your uneasiness and loss of self-esteem in 5 minutes by completing the triple column exercise. You can do it when you feel some mental uneasiness. When you feel that your self-esteem will be distributed.

While you can do this in your mind, it works surprisingly better. If you write it down and get that negative voice out of your head – trust me. It relaxed you. You will feel like some big load is put down from your head.

How do you use 5 minutes triple column technique to build self-esteem?

Make three columns on a sheet of paper in your notebook or if you use a laptop then make it on the excel sheet.

Draw three columns on the sheet, on the left-hand side column write “automatic thoughts”. In middle-column write ” cognitive distortion” and in the right hand, side column write ” reasoning thoughts”


I generally use this technique in the morning or when I feel more anxious. But many people do it to clean their minds before bedtime. To evaluate his full day. It’s your choice, you do it whenever you want. So this technique is used like below.


The first column of 5-minute triple column techniques.

In the first column, you write down.  “Automatic Thoughts.”  That’s your negative self-talk, self-critics, and mean little voice in your head. What do you think about the present situation of the people from whom you talk?

  Like, I had the worst working day. My boss hates me, and I’ll probably be fired. My colleague hates me. 


Second column 5-minute triple column techniques.

Now read your statement and look for cognitive distortions to write in. A cognitive distortion is the habitual way of thinking in which you think negatively and think about yourself as worthless.

Dr David Burns prepared a list of 10 cognitive distortions. For example overgeneralization, all-or-nothing thinking, Mental filters, jumping to conclusions, and labelling.

You write these distortions according to automatic thoughts. That comes into your mind. For example, I never do anything right. Is overgeneralization, This shows what a jerk I am.


Third column 5-minute triple column techniques.

Finally, write your “rational thinking” in the third column. This is when you think logically about it. What you’re feeling and amend your automatic thoughts.  

For example, you could write, “My presentation could have been better, but I’ve had a lot of successful presentations in the past and I can learn from one. 

My boss was confident that I could lead the presentation, and I could talk to him tomorrow about how it could have been better. 

I’ve found that after years of doing 5-minute triple column techniques. Now I can differentiate between automatic thought self-criticism and rational thoughts. And protect me from 4D’s thoughts: deprived, defeated, defective, and deserted.

Here a question comes to your mind. What is cognitive distortion? 

Cognitive distortions are habitual ways of thinking that are often incorrect and negative. Dr David D Burn prepares a list of 10 cognitive distortions to specify the thought in 5-minute triple column techniques.

These are the 10 cognitive distortions advocated by Dr David D Burn.

All or nothing thinking. When you see things in right and wrong instead of in shades of grey means in the middle path. Example: I am a nerd.

Overgeneralization. You assume that a negative event is a never-ending process.  Example: I never do anything right, I am always late.

Mental filter.  You hang yourself on a single negative detail and turn away from positive things. Or When you filter out positive thoughts and focus on the bad. 

Example: I didn’t accomplish anything today. I am not able to give the presentation.

Disqualifying the positive. You reject positive experiences. You always count your larger pattern of failure and negativity. For example: whenever any positive things happen you think, ” it was a fluke, it doesn’t count”

Jumping to conclusions. You make a negative interpretation without any solid facts or reason. Which conveys your interpretation. Example: He said he didn’t want to go on a date with me. I must be embarrassingly significant or minimized. 

Emotional reasoning. When you assume your negative emotions reflect the truth.

 Example: I feel like a dud, therefore I am a dud.

Should statements. When engulfed in a maze of yourself should or shouldn’t. You beat yourself up for not doing things differently.

 Example: I should’ve kept my mouth 

Labelling and mislabeling. It is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you intact a negative level to yourself.

 Example: I forgot to do the report. I’m a total idiot.

Personalization.  You feel like a cause of some negative external event. But you are not responsible for that.

Example: The family occasion was bad because I was there.


2. Mental Biofeedback. 

Another method that can be very helpful involves monitoring your negative thoughts from the wrist counter.  

You can buy it at a sporting goods store or golf shop; It looks like a wristwatch, is inexpensive, and every time you press a button, the number on the dial changes. 

 Every time a negative thought about you comes to your mind, click the button;  Be constantly on the alert for such thoughts.

 At the end of the day, note down your daily total score and write it down in a logbook.

 First, you will notice that the number goes up;  This will continue for several days as you get better and better at identifying your important thoughts. 

 Soon you will see that for a week to ten days the daily total reaches a plateau, and then it will start to go down. 

This indicates that your harmful thoughts are decreasing and you are getting better. This approach usually requires three weeks.

It is not known for certain why such a simple technique works so well, but systematic self-monitoring often helps develop increased self-control. As you learn to stop

By pampering yourself, you’ll start to feel a lot better. If you decide to use a wrist counter, I want to emphasize that. It is an option to set aside ten to fifteen minutes each day to write down your distorted negative thoughts. And respond to them as outlined in the previous pages not there. 

The written method cannot be bypassed. As it exposes to the broad daylight. The illogical nature of the thoughts that haunt you. 

Once you’re doing this regularly, you can use your wrist counter to nip your painful cognition in the bud at other times.



When you’re experiencing a blues mood, chances are you’re telling yourself that you’re inherently inadequate.

You’ll be convinced that you have a bad score or are essentially useless. To the extent that you believe in such thoughts, you will experience a severe emotional reaction of despair and self-loathing.  

You may even feel that you would be better off dying. Because you are so unbearably uncomfortable and self-condemning. You lose your self-esteem.

You may be passive and paralyzed, fearful and unwilling to participate in the normal flow of life. Do not know how to build self-esteem. 

Because of the negative emotional and behavioural consequences of your rigid thinking. The first step is to stop calling yourself worthless.

  However, you probably won’t be able to do so. Until you can convince yourself that these statements are false and unrealistic. 

How can this be accomplished and help to build self-esteem? 

You must first consider that human life is an ongoing process. That involves an ever-changing physical body. As well as a vast number of rapidly changing thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. 

So your life is an evolving experience, a continuous flow. You are no object;  So any label is compressed, highly inaccurate and global. 

Abstract labels like “useless” or “inferior” don’t communicate anything and don’t mean anything. But you can still rest assured that you are second-rate.  

What is your proof?

You might reason, “I feel inadequate. Therefore, I must be inadequate. Otherwise, why would I be filled with such unbearable feelings?” 

Your error is in emotional reasoning. Your emotions don’t determine your worth, just your relative state of comfort or discomfort. 

The rotten, pathetic inner state does not prove that you are a rotten, worthless person, only that you think you are.

Because you are in a temporarily depressed mood, you are thinking about yourself illogically and inappropriately. And not able to build self-esteem.

Would you say that increased mood and a state of happiness prove that you are great or particularly worthy? Or do they simply mean that you are feeling well?  

Just as your feelings do not determine your worth. Neither do your thoughts or behaviour.  Some can be positive, constructive and enhancing.

The vast majority are neutral. Others can be irrational, self-defeating and malicious. These can be modified if you’re willing to put in the effort. But they certainly don’t and may not mean you’re no good. 

There is no such thing as a useless human in this universe.  “Then how can I develop a sense of self-esteem or how to build self-esteem?”  you can ask.

 The answer is that you don’t need it!  You don’t have to do anything that is specifically worthy of or worth building self-esteem.

 All you have to do is shut down that critical, annoying, inner voice. Why?  Because that critical inner voice is wrong. Your Inner Self-Abuse, Logical, distorted thinking stems from. 

 Your sense of worthlessness is not based on truth, it is simply the abscess that lies at the core of the depressive illness. 

So when you’re upset and want to build self-esteem remember three important steps:

1. Pay attention to those automatic negative thoughts and write them down.  Don’t let them buzz around in your mind%;  Strap them on paper!  

2. Read the list of ten cognitive distortions.  Know exactly how you’re twisting things and blowing them out of proportion.  


3. Substitute a more objective thought that lays the lie on the one that let you down on yourself.  By doing this you will start feeling better.  

You’ll build your self-esteem, and your sense of worthlessness (and of course, your depression) will manifest.

So, How to build self-esteem? 5-minutes triple column techniques. Lose a sense of self-worthless, because the sense of worthlessness is not based on truth, know your weakness but do not show it in public, and always try to help others.


Best of luck.

Related article:

How to protect ourselves from unnecessary thoughts.

I am a common man, with the common purpose of life, defeat many times like everyone. But one thing which keeps me in the race of life. Never give up, continue, be patient, and be passionate. I believe in sharing. So, I start this blog with the purpose to thrive your mind and thrive your future. By giving motivational, personal development, mental and financial well being, relationship, habits and thoughts tips. Which I experienced in my life. Experience is the best teacher you can trust.

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