Lie to ourselves: a key to losing our identity?

Lie to ourselves: a key to losing our identity? We not only tell lies to others but also lie to ourselves. Because of various reasons like our happiness, overcoming our fear, and raising the social height in the eyes of others.


Lie to ourselves: a key to losing our identity?


Mainly, by telling lies to ourselves we only deceive ourselves. These lies only give us temporary happiness. But raise many complications in our inside. It gets us away from reality.


In this world, the biggest lie is that which we tell ourselves. This is because we do not prepare ourselves to hear the words which give us problems.


Telling lies to ourselves, changing ourselves from a mirror to a transparent glass. Which does not reflect our image. When we regularly tell lies. We enter into a deceived life.


By keeping aside our truth, we prepare our fort on the pillar of a lie. Which is so weak that even a light blow of wind. Will blow our fort like a straw.


Psychologist and writer, Cortney S. Warren, says in his book. LIES WE TELL OURSELF: A PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF-DEFENSE. ” We tell lies to ourselves because we are not so strong mentally that we accept our truth. After knowing about the truth, we do not accept it. Because of the consequences we face after accepting the truth.”


So, for an integrated view on this matter, I divided my article into various topics for which is like that:


  • Why do we tell lies to ourselves?

  • How many types of lies are we telling ourselves?

  • What impact does telling lies to ourselves have on our life?

  • How do we become honest with ourselves?

Lie to ourselves: a key to losing our identity?

Why do we tell lies to ourselves?


The simple answer to the above question is that. To tell a lie to ourselves Is always easier than accepting the truth. Because the truth is always bitter. So it is hard to ingest. 

Many times we try to suppress the truth deeper into our hearts. That we are seen by others in different flavours in the world. But it is not easy.


Some are good at masking themselves and some are too bad. I also come in the category of bad. As much as I want to suppress my true feelings. 

That much it wants to come out. And people notice it by my expression. Because my tongue and my words do not support each other.

Here are some points that may better explain why we tell lies to ourselves.


1. To satisfy our ego-


You observe that many times our egoistic nature makes it a hurdle to accepting the truth. If you have the attitude that no one will defeat me. So, when you will be defeated. You will start the search for an excuse. Which will defend your ego.


But you will never change the truth. That you were defeated in the game. The lies not only halt your journey but also create an illusion in your mind. And your life will wander in the maze of your pride.


2. To hide your fear-


This is the most common reason behind telling lies to yourself. Our past guilt and Trauma don’t grant us to live in peace. When these thoughts come into our mind or we see any incident same as our past incident. These always pinch in our hearts.


So, to hide the fear of ourselves. We start telling lies to ourselves. We start to run from the situation and give many excuses to others and ourselves. Which protects us from being engulfed in the situation.


3. To show off-


To show off, yourself, in the eye of others and raise your social height. You always tell lies to yourself. It is common and everyone does it.


But when it is regular. It will be a part of our life. And you start to live life like your self-made fictitious identity. Which is far away from your real life. But when you will meet with reality. It will hurt you. And your life will crumble down.


4. Prejudice nature-


Prejudice nature, the people belonging to this nature directly come to any conclusion and take decisions on this basis. Without thinking and knowing about all the aspects of any matter.

They conclude. But if the results are different. They do not digest it.

And instead of accepting their fault. They started telling lies to themselves and others to defend their conclusion or decision.


5. Comfort zone-


Some people never want to come out of their comfort zone. So, for this, they start lying to themselves.

Through their lies, they try to convince their mind that if they leave their comfort zone they face various miseries and difficulties.

And when they continually tell lies to their mind. Their minds accept it. So, when they think about coming out of their comfort zone. 

Their mind rejects their call. Because the words “if we come out of our comfort zone, it creates various difficulties for us” feed-in their mind deeply.


How many types of lies are we telling ourselves?


1. Some think that he is good and others are bad- 


I meet personally with these types of people. Which always live in a complexion of themselves. That I am intelligent, I am handsome, and I know everything.

They think that all goodies in the world start from us and end with us.


2. Some show others only their work, sacrifices, and achievement-


Generally in our personal and professional life. We meet with various people. Who only wants to show his work to the boss and society. That he does all the work and others are only for showpieces.

Like in the office, some employees are so shrewd that they do less. But show their boss how much he is enthusiastic about their work. And how much they are hard-working.


3. Some always make themselves victims- 


They blame others and their destiny for their miseries and difficulty. They never take responsibility. They try to keep to themselves in a nutshell.

They give excuses like, “Oh, if that guy does not come, I could complete this work.” “If there is not so much noise, I could concentrate.” “If he completed the work, we could complete this project.”


4. Some are hyper speculative-


 Many people are too speculative. Before doing anything or after knowing anything they start speculation about it. According to his outlook. Which is right.


Like, if anyone comes to help you. When you are in trouble. You will start speculation. Why did he help me? What are his intentions? Does he want to take advantage of my bad situation? And many types of speculation. Which stops us to take help from others


5. Some tell lies because of fear-


In this world, everyone fears something. Some have a fear that their wealth should not be decreased, some have fear about their reputation, and some have fear about their relationships.

So to protect themselves from fear. They start telling lies to themselves.  After knowing about the cheating of their partner. They keep an illusion that our partner will return.


What impact does telling lies to ourselves have on our life?


We should avoid lying to ourselves for a long time. Psychologists believe that one who lies to himself and listens to his lies.

soon reaching a point where he is unable to differentiate between the truth within and outside. 


 Lying to ourselves makes us hard on ourselves.  We suppress our desires, make wrong decisions, injure ourselves and loved ones, and become confused and restless. 


By not working on the root problem, they keep busy perpetuating their lies and keep cursing themselves for their cowardice.  

The more we avoid facing the truth, the more we reduce our chances of moving forward. They try to justify their shortcomings through their bad circumstances.  


1. It makes us deaf and blind our minds do not see and hear our truth within or outside.

2. It breaks the co-coordination and communication between our emotional and reasoning brains.

3. It gives us a deceptive life. In which there is no place for truth.

4. It gives pain to ourselves and our loved ones.

5. It never lets us come out of our comfort zone and fear.

6. It makes us prejudiced and hyper speculative.

7. It makes us cowherd.

8. It makes us victims.

9. It makes us of egoistic nature.

10. It makes us a show-off sculpture.


How do we become honest with ourselves?


The question is, how do we become honest with ourselves? Cortney says, ‘Speaking the truth takes practice. This is not a job that happens in a jiffy. That is, we have to give time to ourselves.  


The mind has to be strengthened. We also need to change our relationship with pain.  After all, challenges also allow us to change. For the changes, we have some remedial measures.


1. Meditation-


To be honest with ourselves. We will have to be mentally stronger. We have to strengthen our minds. That our mind easily can differentiate, between what is a lie and what is truth. And always ready to accept the truth. For mental strength, meditation is a good measure.


It increases your concentration level, establishes coordination and communication between your emotional and reasoning brain, and helps you to come out from deceptive life. It helps you accept the truth. No matter how much bitter it is.


In meditation, you can do breathing exercises. In which you deeply inhale and exhale air. Inhale the truth and exhale out all your lies. Try to connect your mind with the positive vibes of the universe. 


This is not an easy task. In the early stage, you feel bored, your focus is not on your breath, and you feel procrastinated. It needs continuity and practice. If you do it, after a few days of mediation. It became part of your life.


2. Know about your pain-


I always emphasize one thing, if you do not know about your pain, you will not understand the pain of others and do not help them to get rid of it.


When you know about your pain, you know about your misery, fear, happiness, and your truth. 

When you tell a lie about yourself. You better know what is the truth. It helps you to not make yourself a coward. It protects your self-esteem.


And if you know your pain. you will surely try to find out, how to get rid of your pain? Rather than only trying to tell lies in front of others to hide your pain.


3. Courage and wisdom-


Mostly, people lie in the situation. When they do not want to firmly stand in any situation, when they fear something, or when they don’t make any decision with their wisdom, it means they are like victims.

So courage and wisdom are the two powerful things. Which helps you to stand firmly on your decision. It means that you courageously accept, what is true? Without any fear and hesitation.

courage fights with fear, wisdom fight with hesitation, and both help you to select your truth.


4. Come out from the maze of past and future-


Most problems tell lies in our life. Because of past regret and future expectation. Because regret and expectation both are like unremedial diseases.

The best way to overcome the lie about past regret is to accept your past miseries. Once you accept it and people know that you accept it. The past regret gets out of your life in one jiffy.


Past never comes back, and the future you don’t know, only you have the present and which you know. So the present is your truth.


5. Know about your wants or needs-


Mainly some people do not know about the purpose of his life. They do not know what they want, or what they can do to achieve it.


For example, take an example of a student, and what type of goal they have. Some want to pass their exam with good marks, some want to top in class, some want to be selected in good institutions for higher study, and after study wants a good job.


For this, they know hard work is essential. But when their wants are not clear. They start telling lies. when they bunk from their classes and when they use unethical means to pass the exam. 

If their wants are clear, they will never try to tell lies. They will accept their fault and try to never repeat it once again. 


6. Never prejudice and speculative-


Sometimes in our life, we are so prejudiced that we never expected that. What consequences can we face in the future? Because we decided on the influence of prejudice and hyper speculation.


So to protect our decision and make it right. We have to tell lies. And one lie flooded our life with many lies. And we found the truth is like a dream in our life. 


So before making any decision we have to apply our wisdom, considering various alternatives. And then select the best. If you make some mistakes, Accept them. Because one truth is better than several lies.


7. Firmly stand on your action-


Your truth is your truth. It is possible. Your truth is not accepted by others. But it is not always right, that they are right.


Before making a decision. If you fulfil all the above criteria. Then it will be a greater possibility that you are right. 


Because if your mind hears the voice of your soul. You know very well. Whether you made the right decision or not.

Trust in your decision firmly. For this, you have to stand firmly on your action or decision. Often, people will not accept it first. Yes, it will take time. But people will accept it when they see that you firmly stand on your act. 


So, Lie to ourselves: is it a key to losing our identity? Is of course right. A few moments of a false smile can indeed make a picture beautiful, or we manage to hide the sadness inside. The tension subsides for a while, but we can’t always act.  


We lie to ourselves also because we do not know our truth. When we get to know ourselves, we get caught in our lies too easily. So why not live in truth. Of course, it does not give us intently relief. But in the long run, it will always be sweeter for our life.

Best of luck.

Related article:


11 psychological tricks which turn you from loser to winner. 

Lie to ourselves: a key to losing our identity?

I am a common man, with the common purpose of life, defeat many times like everyone. But one thing which keeps me in the race of life. Never give up, continue, be patient, and be passionate. I believe in sharing. So, I start this blog with the purpose to thrive your mind and thrive your future. By giving motivational, personal development, mental and financial well being, relationship, habits and thoughts tips. Which I experienced in my life. Experience is the best teacher you can trust.

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